New year, new post from a guest blogger...

Happy New Year everyone! Hope you all had a good Christmas, can't believe it's over for another year!!

I thought I would start the year off with a guest blog from a friend of mine. I read this late last year and it really moved me. We forget that illnesses like MS take their toll not just on the person suffering but their loved ones too. Allison's mam suffers from MS and writing a rhyme helps her put her feelings down on a piece of paper. I asked Allison if i could post this as i really think it perfectly describes the illness.

So Allison, take it away... 

Every now and again I write a rhyme to put my feelings into words. I ramble on quite a bit in this one so well done to whoever makes it to the end. Here it is. I've named it as follows:

"The giving up kind"

I want to put into words how I'm feeling right now,
Sad, emotionally drained and sometimes feeling down.
I look around at others most or some around my age,
Who seem to have it all worked out on their Facebook page.
Laughing and happy with not a worry on their face,
But in real life we all know this is rarely the case.
Those smiles often hide the sadness of what's going on inside,
The emptiness and numbness of the pain we have to hide.

Why have I put my thoughts down why not keep them to myself?
Because people say "sharing may improve your mental health"
But if I speak out who will be there on the other side to listen
And respond with "I agree wholeheartedly with everything you've written"

Life can be shit and at times extremely cruel,
Daily torments that innocent people must live through and endure.
Sadly sickness and death surround us each and every day,
Along with poverty and the homeless struggling to survive another day.

My personal fight on a daily basis surrounds the illness of MS,
Or multiple sclerosis as it may be known to others best.
It's not myself who suffers with this sick illness from the devil,
But my mam my best friend who it continues to never let settle.
I've watched my mam continue to fight for her life every single day,
But the pain doesn't subside no matter how much I pray.
For those of you who don't know much about MS' evil face,
I'll tell you how it's goal is to take away your dignity and grace.
It's not a clear calendar that has a sequence of events,
And it does not show favouritism between ladies and gents.
Each person's journey is different and rarely do their symptoms appear the same,
But this is how I've viewed it from the sidelines of my mams torturous game.

First it was her eyes, a few blinding spots where she struggled to see
Pins and needles she started to feel throughout her whole body.
Next fatigue and spasms in her legs and also in her knee.
She visited the doctors to ask 'What is happening to me?'
At first no diagnosis came and she thought these symptoms must be in her mind,
Continuing to work and run a family saying "I'm not the giving up kind"

For years she carried on still not knowing what was causing all the pain,
She needed some answers and reluctantly visited the doctor again.
A diagnosis of MS was finally given but what exactly did that mean ?
It was very rarely spoken about and only occasionally it was seen.
So what is the treatment? surely with modern medicine there's bound to be a cure,
Unfortunately not for my mam so for years these symptoms she'll continue to endure.
As I mentioned earlier all people living with MS do not all present the same,
Don't take my words for gospel knowing all about this illness is not something I'd ever claim.

My mam is the greatest, so kind and would do anything for anyone
God, Why are you doing this, can you not see what she's become?
There are good days and there are bad but we've still managed to laugh til I have cried,
Reminiscing about the good old days and she even got to see me as a bride.
Its gruelling to watch my mam being overcome by this constant cruelty,
And witnessing it's impact on all the lovely members of my family.
I always have to tell myself that shes in the right place for her care,
And I do everything possible to make sure when she needs me I'm there.
I try not to let the sadness in her eyes upset me as I turn to walk away,
I always hug her and say I love you in case I don't get another day.
The guilt and sadness can sometimes overwhelm me and can make me feel distraught,
But I remind myself how strong my mam is and how hard she has always fought.
So everyday I go forward with this thought held firmly in my mind
I say to myself: You are your mother's daughter and you neither are "the giving up kind"

Thank you Allison for letting me share this with everyone.

Telling people you have MS

I hate telling people I have MS. Not because I’m embarrassed, or I want to hide it, it’s just hard to explain to somebody who doesn’t know much about it. People have perceptions of MS and the reaction you normally get from someone when you tell them is:

• But you’re not in a wheelchair…
• I would have never have guessed, you look fine (looks you up and down)
• I thought only old people got MS

If anything, it’s more of an awkward conversation and no matter how much you explain it, only other people with MS will really know how you’re truly feeling - just like any illness, I can be as sympathetic as possible towards someone who has broken their leg but I’ve never experienced myself so I don’t really know what they’re going through.

When I was first diagnosed my nurse told me ‘you don’t have to tell anyone you have it if you don’t want to’ so stuck to that for a while in exception to my close friends and family. But last year I started seeing a boy who I was starting to really like. It was at the same time as I was running the GNR for The MS Society so I felt it was a good time to tell him. It was at a good stage in our relationship where I would understand if he wanted to walk away at that point, but at the same time I would have been gutted if he had.

Of course, he didn’t and we’re celebrating our first-year anniversary this weekend and I couldn’t have asked for a more supportive boyfriend – cheesy!

I’m lucky enough to have a group of supportive friends and family who are always there if I need to talk. However, I tend to not bring my MS up with them that often as I don’t want sympathy from anyone -but I do think it’s important to tell people how you feel.  

I suffered a relapse earlier this year which meant I couldn’t drive, type or answer the phone properly at work. Someone then told me about a scheme called access to work who assess your working environment. This meant that I was able to get the support I needed. A few years back I wouldn’t have admitted I needed help but as I’ve grew older I’ve realised people are there to help you, like you’re there to help them if they need it.

My point is, as it becomes more and more common with younger people, we must take advantage of the people around us as those are the people who will help you stay sane!