In the last seven years, I’ve went through a few different
stages of how I’ve felt about the illness. Since it’s an unpredictable illness,
one day you could be fine and the other day you could be poorly so you kind of
change your mind on it all the time. Here’s the main four I’ve felt over the
last seven years:
Denial
I would say that this is probably a stage that everyone with
MS goes through. When the doctor tells you the bad news, you think, no that
can’t be true, they’ve probably just made a mistake, I’m too young for this. I
thought that for the first year. I didn’t tell people, I only told people I was
close too and that was it, it was a bit embarrassing if I’m going to be totally
honest. I think it eventually sunk in when I was about 19 and I had eventually
realised I had it and there was nothing I could do so my attitude changed.
Acceptance
That brings me onto acceptance. This is probably the most
important one because it helps you move forward with your life. I remember when
I really accepted I had it and started looking at groups I could join and other
people’s experiences on the MS society website.
I then started telling people. Not just out the blue of
course, but if it came up in conversation, I would tell them. I got a few weird
looks and comments like I’ve discussed in a previous blog post, but it was
better than hiding behind it, but if anyone knows me I’m like an open book so it
doesn’t take me long to tell everyone I know something!
Hope/optimism
This is probably the best one, you eventually get your
purpose back and decide there’s more to life that just moping around.
When I became optimistic about it was when I started to do
charity events. I had never really had something I felt passionate enough to
raise money for until I got diagnosed so I thought, I can do this, and I can
help make a difference.
I’m going to be corny here but the new Sigrid song, don’t feel
like crying is a good listen if you’re feeling down – you can guess what it’s
about by the title!
Determination
Determination is such a good feeling. You feel like you have
purpose when you’re determined to do something. I created this blog as I was
determined to help people with MS. I ran the GNR because I was determined to
raise money for the charity. I go to work everyday and get on with things
because I’m determined to make a difference in my job and not let the illness
get me down.
The feeling of determination makes you feel like you have
the illness rather than the illness having you!
