No new lesions - woohooo!

I have wanted to write a blog for a couple of weeks now and thought of a few different ideas but just didn’t write them. I don’t like to write a blog for the sake of it because it’s not very useful to people and that’s the whole purpose of my writing really.

I was going to write about stress and MS, am I clumsy or is it my MS and how to bring my MS into a conversation for awareness rather than sympathy. But then on Saturday I received a letter from the hospital about my recent MRI scan and found out over the last year I have had no new lesions – wooo!

For anyone not in the MS world, this means the treatment I am on has been working and it’s stopped my nerves getting damaged. A new lesion means a relapse so it means I haven’t had any sort of relapse in the last year (hidden or visible). I get a MRI scan every year to monitor it.

This has been a massive relief for me and I’m really happy how effective the treatment has been. Although I’ve had some side effects since going on the treatment (the main one developing an over active thyroid) it has been the best option for me and how my MS affects me.

The treatment I was previously on had stopped working and I had a couple of relapses so the consultant decided to change it. This was the best option for my age and it meant I didn’t have to take a tablet every day. It also meant that when I was ready to start a family I could without having to change my treatment plan. So, it was the best decision for me and others around me.

Looking back to nine years ago when I first got diagnosed, I was lost and frustrated, and I didn’t think there was much of a future for me. My life could have been totally different if I didn’t listen to the advice from my consultants. I feel healthier than ever and let’s hope I’m saying the same thing in 10 years time.

The four stages of MS

In the last seven years, I’ve went through a few different stages of how I’ve felt about the illness. Since it’s an unpredictable illness, one day you could be fine and the other day you could be poorly so you kind of change your mind on it all the time. Here’s the main four I’ve felt over the last seven years:

Denial

I would say that this is probably a stage that everyone with MS goes through. When the doctor tells you the bad news, you think, no that can’t be true, they’ve probably just made a mistake, I’m too young for this. I thought that for the first year. I didn’t tell people, I only told people I was close too and that was it, it was a bit embarrassing if I’m going to be totally honest. I think it eventually sunk in when I was about 19 and I had eventually realised I had it and there was nothing I could do so my attitude changed.

Acceptance

That brings me onto acceptance. This is probably the most important one because it helps you move forward with your life. I remember when I really accepted I had it and started looking at groups I could join and other people’s experiences on the MS society website.

I then started telling people. Not just out the blue of course, but if it came up in conversation, I would tell them. I got a few weird looks and comments like I’ve discussed in a previous blog post, but it was better than hiding behind it, but if anyone knows me I’m like an open book so it doesn’t take me long to tell everyone I know something!

Hope/optimism

This is probably the best one, you eventually get your purpose back and decide there’s more to life that just moping around.

When I became optimistic about it was when I started to do charity events. I had never really had something I felt passionate enough to raise money for until I got diagnosed so I thought, I can do this, and I can help make a difference.

I’m going to be corny here but the new Sigrid song, don’t feel like crying is a good listen if you’re feeling down – you can guess what it’s about by the title!

Determination

Determination is such a good feeling. You feel like you have purpose when you’re determined to do something. I created this blog as I was determined to help people with MS. I ran the GNR because I was determined to raise money for the charity. I go to work everyday and get on with things because I’m determined to make a difference in my job and not let the illness get me down.

The feeling of determination makes you feel like you have the illness rather than the illness having you!